Responding to young people's Frequently Asked Questions

Pornography – or ‘porn’ for short – is media that is made primarily to sexually arouse. It may be in the form of writing, photos, videos or animations, but it is most often used to refer to images – stills or moving images. Pornography may include nude or nearly nude images, showing genitals and/or women’s breasts, and/or explicit depictions of people being sexual or having sex.

People look at pornography for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes people see it without meaning to – through online pop-ups, or because someone sent them a link, or showed it to them in person. Sometimes people are pressured or forced to see things they don’t want to see. And sometimes people seek pornography out – perhaps because they’re curious, they want to use it for sexual arousal, or they are looking for information about sex. They may watch it because they think it is expected of them or that their friends are watching it.

No, not everyone watches pornography. And not everyone who has seen it wanted to, or wants to see it again. Boys and older young people are more likely to have seen pornography than girls and younger people. But about half of boys and three quarters of girls aged 13 have never seen pornography, and about a quarter of boys and half of girls aged 15 haven’t. [1]

Pornography does not show the kind of sex that many people enjoy having, themselves. Pornography sex is a bit like a car chase in an action movie – extreme, made to appeal to the viewer and not reflective of how most people really drive – or have sex.

The sort of sex that pornography commonly depicts is not likely to feel good for many people, particularly women. In pornography, the sex is often rough and aggressive – particularly towards women. Men are shown dominating and in control, and women are portrayed as happy to please men in any way they want.

Pornography suggests that everyone wants to have sex with anyone, at any time, and they don’t need to negotiate consent, or check in with how their partner feels or what they would like to do. In reality, sex should feel good for everyone involved – physically and emotionally. It should be respectful and safe, and everyone involved should be freely and fully consenting – that is, it should involve only what people really want to do, with absolutely no pressure.

That’s a really good question! The simple answer is that pornography is trying to get viewers’ attention. But why this may seem an effective way to get attention is more complicated.

The competition for more clicks…

There’s so much pornography made these days that there is a lot of competition – and producers want their work to be more likely to be viewed than others. Pornography producers talk about the need to push the limits, to make more extreme pornography and find an edge or angle that will appeal to the viewer. But that doesn’t really explain why it is so aggressive and degrading, particularly towards women.

Appealing to the audience (in a bad way!)

Most pornography is targeted at heterosexual males. There is also a lot of material made for gay males and some for heterosexual couples. Pornography for other audiences is much less common. Pornography made for heterosexual males tends to appeal to a viewer’s desire to fit with male stereotypes such as being strong, in control, and getting what they want.

The most exaggerated version of this, which pornography often depicts, is when women are depicted as loving absolutely anything a man does to them, even aggression and degradation. Pornography also often depicts degrading racial stereotypes.

Pornography undermines equality and respect

The kinds of messages pornography often portrays conflict with values that many people aspire to, such as equality and respect. Why inequality, aggression and degradation are appealing to viewers is of real concern to people who work to prevent violence.

Many young people are exposed to pornography – either accidentally or on purpose. It has become part of how some young people get information about sex. But pornography conveys a whole range of concerning messages – so it is not a good place to learn about sex.

It’s important to talk about pornography because relationships and sex can be positive and consenting, but pornography can undermine that. Having these conversations can help you learn to critique pornography’s messages and influence and understand how great sexuality and relationships can be when they are respectful, consenting and feel good for everyone involved.

Although pornography has been around for a while, it is not normal for people to have access to the kind of pornography that is available today. That is only something that has been possible in recent decades. Before that, people may have had access to erotic art or writing, or photographs and more recently, videos. But, until recent decades, there has never been so much pornography, so accessible, with the sorts of messages conveyed in today’s pornography.

If we set aside history, and just look at today, while it is certainly common for some groups of young people (and adults) to use pornography, there are also lots of young people (and adults) who don’t.

Unfortunately, pornography is not just fantasy. It can have a range of impacts – on those who use it, and also those who don’t. There is evidence that pornography is impacting on people’s understandings, attitudes and experiences.

For example, there is evidence that young women are being pressured by male partners to engage in unwanted and painful acts that they have seen in pornography. And research has found an association between pornography use and aggressive attitudes and behaviours towards women.

People in pornography also experience a range of harms to both their physical and mental wellbeing.

If a young person discloses that pornography has negatively impacted them it is important to:

1. Believe them and demonstrate compassion and respect.

2. Listen carefully to what it is that the young person is feeling concerned about, and gently ask questions to support you to better understand. Remember that there may be more going on for the young person than what they feel comfortable to say at the time. Concerns to be aware of include:

• Are they experiencing pressure to watch porn?
• Are they concerned about how much pornography they are watching, or the sort of material they are drawn to?
• Do they feel disturbed by something they have seen?
• Is the pornography they have seen raising feelings and concerns for them related to other traumas, such as sexual abuse?
• Has someone pressured or forced them to do something from pornography that they didn’t want to do? Or are they experiencing that kind of pressure now?
• Have they pressured or forced someone else to do something they didn’t want to do?
• Do they feel upset by the sort of messages pornography conveys and what it means for their own relationships and sexuality?
• Are they concerned about how pornography is at odds with their cultural or religious beliefs or values?

3. Validate their concerns and assure them you will support them to work out what they can do to address them.

4. Clarify what it is the young person would like. For example, do they want to stop using pornography and need help to do so? Do they need support to respond to pressure from a partner to copy something from porn? Do they want support to stop thinking about pornography they have seen that they found disturbing?

5. If you are not confident about how to best support them or what sort of information or advice to provide, let them know the steps you will take – such as that you will look into what supports are available – and give them a timeframe for doing so.

6. Follow up promptly. If there is any delay in getting the information you are seeking, check in with how the young person is going and provide them with updates so that they feel supported in the meantime.